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COLUMNS


Caterpillars bring light to other crises


By Brittany Jackson
Posted on October 2, 2015 | Columns,Opinion | Comments Off on Caterpillars bring light to other crises

I saw something that shocked me the other day; it was a complaint about caterpillars stuck to the bottom of a tire on someone’s car. This complaint, traced back to one Seth Montgomery, was just one in an onslaught of realizations and comical portrayals of unfortunate situations he has presented to the Twitterverse this semester.

To date, this man has relentlessly tweeted to @ACUedu about starting a food PT Cruiser to rival the 1881 Food Truck, about running caterpillars over with his own car and about seeing the queen of England water skiing on Minions.

From working on his “updog” jokes and confusing campus tours, to chronicling minions doing dumb things like slamming gavels on their fingers, Montgomery has made fools of us all.

How many times must I log onto Twitter to see these ludicrous musings? How many times must I be convinced of a crisis that Montgomery has wittingly crafted?

I have been thrown into existential crises because of his tweets, like how did confirmation codes work before phones? Will the character combination of tweets ever be reached, ruining the chance for any further tweets to be original? Will Minions be elected in the presidential election, despite the lack of a campaign? What will I do with any of this information if I ever figure it out?

After exhaustive research, I’ve found Montgomery tweets an average of two times per day. As he is still a student, this has led me to conclude that not all of these tweets have been fabricated, but are in fact adaptations from his life.

Does that mean the queen has water skied on minions? Maybe. That an eagle has picked him up on a Segway and thrown him through his 20th floor office window? Possibly. Though that would have to have occurred outside of Abilene, because the average floors per building in this town is about three (and I have classes on the third floor in ALL OF THEM).

Regardless, Montgomery has taught us a lesson President Lincoln once told me in a chat room, which is perhaps one of the most important things we could ever learn in this day and age– don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.

Also, don’t ever take anything too seriously.

Thanks for your letter, Mr. Montgomery, and thanks for the reminder.

avatar Posted by Brittany Jackson on Oct 2nd, 2015 and filed under Columns, Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.  - This post has been viewed 1919 times.

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