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COLUMNS


ACU’s appropriate ‘Bend and Snap’


By Farron Salley
Posted on February 1, 2012 | Columns | Comments Off on ACU’s appropriate ‘Bend and Snap’

Over the Christmas break, many “ring by spring” dreams came true. Most likely if you didn’t get engaged in the last two months, you know at least one person who did.

So what about the rest of us? Us – the single, maybe ready to mingle type girls.

Don’t worry ladies we still have options. You can always turn to Hollywood. My all-time favorite way to get a guy’s attention was modeled so well for me by Reese Witherspoon. Who could forget the bend and snap on Legally Blonde?

Of course, there are always more expensive options. Pam Money’s Relationship 101 class will be offered again in the fall. We’re all going to be paying back student loans, you might as well learn to get a cute date in the process.

But I’ve got an even better solution. It’s economical and efficient. The simplicity of the bend and snap has finally met it’s Christian match with the slide and smile. The slide and smile is a custom ACU guy grabbing technique – and unlike the slide and glide, won’t get you in trouble with Mark Lewis.

These are the steps to the proper execution of the slide and smile:

First, you must be alert in the jungle that is Chapel. This requires the proper outfit that won’t be too revealing if you stand up or sit back down to praise. A cross necklace or James Avery jewelry rules supreme.

Next, you have to be on the prowl. Know where the target is sitting so that you know which card reader he is most likely to go swipe out at.

As soon as you hear “Chapel is dismissed,” “Go and be merry” or any of the other tag lines that signify it’s over, attack.

Be cunning but not a creeper. There will be lots of people trying to slide out, and you need to be at the front of the line when he’s there to swipe – this may require waiting in the crowd for him to catch up.

When  he is about to slide his card, move in like you were about to swipe. He’ll pause to wait for you to swipe and then you look at him and smile as you slide your card.

If he doesn’t wait for you to swipe, he probably won’t hold a door open for you either, so I suggest count your losses and move on.

But if you make it this far, try to say something briefly about Chapel or swiping like “I really enjoyed the speaker today,” or “We’re never going to get out of here.”

That’s it.

The bend and snap of ACU. If anyone tries this, let me know how it turns out so I can compile my accuracy ratings like Elle did.

Also, you should know that I’m still single, so feel free to take any advice with a grain of salt.

avatar Posted by Farron Salley on Feb 1st, 2012 and filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.  - This post has been viewed 15242 times.

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